Confessions of a Sparkly Vampire
by Foxwithgrayeyes
Summary: Edward Cullen's private diary. Sparkles, angst, love, poetry, and hilarity abound. Please read and review! :D
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: Stephanie Meyer owns Edward and his thoughts, I'm just manipulating them. I don't own any of these characters or themes. So please don't think that I think I do cause I don't. Ya?

Entry 1:

Have you ever wanted to drain the blood from your lab partner's body because her blood smelled so good?  
No, It's just me then?

Wonderful.

Entry 2:

Hello again journal darlingest. I guess I should explain myself from before. Today at school my new lab partner in biology smelled so good. I almost killed her, right there. I almost wish I didn't have such perfect and amazing self-control. Sorry, but I am just not in the mood for this right now.

Growl.

Entry 3:

I, being the monster that I am, almost lost control with that Bella girl and have decided to hide out in Alaska for awhile as to not endanger the poor human further, much to my family's dismay (I'm so glad I won't be there to witness the look on Esme's face when she finds out I am missing.) So, for now I shall entertain myself with moodily driving my "father" Carlisle's car and hunting...a lot.

Still dangerous,  
Edward Cullen

Authors Note: Yup, I'm weird. Press that little button and review cause it makes my whole day sparkly.


	2. Alaska and Emmett

Disclaimer: Still don't own it. Nope. Not even a little bit. I just own this little story with these characters that aren't mine.

Entry 4:

Alaska is cold. But not as cold as I am. I'm as cold as ice. My heart is probably ice. That's how frozen it is. But alas, at least I have a heart, unlike a soul. But I digress. I saw a herd of moose awhile ago and would like to partake of some.

Now I have partaken of my moose. I really must say that while they're fine, they aren't near so delicious as mountain lions (or pumas, or cougars in case you didn't know. For you see, many organisms have several common names which is why people (mere mortals) can get confused. That is why scientific names are used. yeah.) Well I am feeling prompted to go speak to someone now I shall write again when I have the time.  
Still moody,  
"Dead"ward Cullen

Entry 5:

Well, after much convincing and crying (Alice and Esme, not me) I have returned from Alaska. I am dreading going back to school though. So, as a precaution I will be going hunting all night tonight.

_Be strong Eddie boy, be strong!_  
SHUT UP EMMETT.

Sorry, he stole my laptop for a moment. I've gotta go.

Urge to kill rising,  
Edward Cullen.

Entry 6:

_la la la la. I am Edward Cullen. I think my brother Emmett is the . He's so freaking buff and good looking and hunts like a bear. I am an emo child who likes to go eat mooses in Alaska. Heck yes. MOOSES. Bwaha. Or Moosen. Moosen in the woodsen. I am so emotional and can not control my need to eat my lab partner, even though that isn't awkward in the slightest. Heehee. OH dang!_

Emmett really isn't funny. And he'd better learn to stop stealing my lap top.  
Feeling murderous,  
Edward Cullen


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue.

Entry 7:

I am very, very sorry about last post. Some idiot (Jasper) decided it would be funny to lock me in a closet and then give Emmett my laptop. Sometimes I hate living with these imbeciles. I mean seriously we all know I am the smartest one here. Honestly.  
Anyways good news!  
Today I went to biology and talked to Bella! I did not even try to eat her this time!!  
I know! I know, how amazing right? I felt so proud of myself I gave myself a sticker when I got home. When Esme saw me wearing it she took a picture, she was so proud.  
More later,  
E. C.  
Danger status: Still way too dangerous.

Entry 8:

Dang it that girl is too friendly. I was pleased with my non-eating-Isabella-Marie-Swan skills but nooo, she has to go and make it all difficult. Her and her smell. How do you all expect me to resist? Now do relax, I didn't eat her. But I was tempted. So tempted. So very very tempted. She wants to be my friend. Does she not understand that while I may be pretty much the most attractive guy in the universe I am also a dangerous monster! What is wrong with her?  
On the attractive note though...some kind people bought a picture of me today for a hefty sum of money (which I will not disclose for that would just be too vain), in order to make an action figure of me. I know, I know. I'm hot.  
But I must conclude for the moment for Alice has been eager to play chess with me. Jasper's in one of his moods again and Alice needs to be distracted. Sigh.  
E. Cullen

Entry 9:

So, today when I got to school I was brooding by my precious Volvo, (as per usual) and watching as Bella Swan got out of her car. She was just standing there, staring at her tires for some odd reason. Maybe they had a picture of me on them. That would explain the staring. Anyway. She was just staring at her tires when all of the sudden Tyler Crowley's Van comes speeding towards (you guessed it) Bella. She, being too shocked or frightened to move or something, just stands there staring at the incoming van in horror. I can actually do quite a good impression of the face myself but I won't do it at this time. I watched as the van neared Bella.  
And I then suddenly found my self running (way to fast for the humans to see don't worry) over to Bella and stopping the car, and pushing her out of the way. She being the weird person that she is would not be swayed when I tried to convince her that I was standing next to her the entire time. Apparently she isn't quite as dumb as the other students at this school.  
Now I know what you all are thinking, 'How could you do this Edward Cullen? That was a very stupid thing to do you moronic vampire you! But you know what? You guys can just shut up! Because I have been lectured enough already by Rosalie and the other people in my family. (Except for maybe Alice, who for some reason remains oddly cheerful at this whole situation. She was skipping earlier.)So just leave me alone! It wasn't my fault! I remain convinced (until other evidence presents itself) that my body and mind were suddenly taken over by another vampire or alien. I know! Some alien came and possessed my brain and I was nothing but it's HOST.  
Well I've got to go listen to some linkin park and dry sob because I can't cut my wrists or cry real tears.  
Broodingly yours,  
Edward Cullen.  
Danger level has been upped to X-tremely too dangerous for love and a soul.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Edward, and I don't really want to. I don't Twilight at all. I do however own this diary of Edward's, which is great fun.

Entry 10:

Sorry, it's been forever but I just have had a lot to handle lately. You would not even believe how much I feel stupid for stopping that van. Not that I regret it... I don't regret saving her life. What is wrong with me? I am cold and unfeeling! This is not right! She's not one of us! I am a vampire and I have superhuman skills! I should be immune to human emotion! I wish I could just rant and rave but what would that profit me? It would just be an even bigger contradiction to my unfeeling nature. Sigh. I gotta go eat.

Entry 11:

I am growing too close to one Isabella Marie. Swan. And I shouldn't be! It's unnatural and more than just a little creepy. Is this love or an obsessed infatuation? I shouldn't even think about love. This is ridiculous. I need to stop now while I still can. Yes! I can stop! …But alas, it's so hard. I feel awful, for I'm afraid I've been quite rude to her and she was under the impression I regretted saving her life! She got mad at me the other day and when I asked her if she really felt that way, that I regretted it she answered, "I know you do." How absurd. This also shows what she knows. Anyways, Bella is a danger magnet so I've been following her around for the past couple days (I've been unable to go to school as it is sunny :( ..) I simply couldn't bear it if something happened to her! I would feel so incredibly guilty knowing I could've stopped it somehow. She's just so clumsy. She's always hurting herself. I should be repulsed by her weakness but somehow my fragile heart finds it endearing. Oh what a mess I am.  
Anyways I've got to go watch Bella sleep.  
More later,  
Edward C.

Entry 12:

Sigh. I must admit what I never wanted to. I know it is seriously time to back off from Bella. Last night while I was watching her sleep she said my name. How obsessive! She could be some sort of creeper, and I just don't know how I feel about that. Then again, she needs me! The other day I was following her down a dark alleyway and she almost got into some trouble with some....punks. Fools! So I saved her and then I was driving fast (like always. Seriously. I don't even have to watch the road.) and she started speculating about me being some sort of super hero. She just doesn't get it. Sigh. My life is a sad bowl of soup.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: oh fair readers! All 5 of you. or however many of you read. Guess what? I don't own Twilight. Nope. It wasn't my idea! I just like writing this little story about it! So do not believe otherwise or my heart will be torn and desolated.

A/N: thank you to the people who made Twilight the Musical for an excellent line I used in this section of the story.

Entry 13:

Dear World,  
I have something of utmost urgency to tell you all.  
Are you listening? Good.  
I, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen am in love with one Isabella Marie Swan. Here is where you all gasp collectively. I can almost imagine your shocked faces.  
I know, I know, I didn't see it coming either. But boy do I feel a lot better now that it's off my chest. (My sparkling, marble, incandescent chest.) I've been keeping it a secret for months now. Oh the torment. I fooled all of you into thinking that I hated her, but guess what! I don't. Quite the opposite actually. I feel awful burdening you all with this news but how could I keep it within any longer? Anyways that's really all I had to say, it was driving me crazy keeping it a secret. ( Yes, Alice we all know that you were right now shut up.)  
My skin may be cold but my heart is on fire,  
Edward A. M. Cullen

Entry 14:

Oh Die-ary! er, Diary.  
Today I actually have something happy to report! Emmett and Jasper were feeling worried about me. At first it was very annoying. Jasper kept walking around my volvo saying that it wasn't right for me to love Bella because she wasn't one of us. I was like "DUDE! I ALREADY KNOW THAT, OK!" At least that's what I wanted to say but then I'd lose my reputation as the quiet deadly macho vampire that I am. Sp instead I kept my cool and just sat there looking sullen and brooding like. With my hair flowing the way it was at that moment I assure you I looked extremely modelish. But that's not the good news. The good news is precisely thus. After that Emmett and Jasper took me to a movie. At first I was not excited. Because normally movies are lame. Seriously. They mangle human emotions and give all vampires dark oily hair (as opposed to bronze flowing copper hair) and Transylvanian accents (as opposed to a voice like velvet). So normally movies bug me. But this film was epic! I won't say its name or else you might want to classify this journal as a crossover story and then there would we be…? But still! My life has changed. Oh the beauty just continues on and on.  
Happier than Normal  
E. Cullen  
Beware. These happy moods never last long. Hate to kill the joy.

Later

Ugh. I forgot to tell you. There was one little put down to our trip to the movies. On the way home Emmett ran over a rabbit. Jasper got out of the car and put it on his head, removing the road kill he used to wear. That guy has hair issues. Sigh.

_Do not!_

Jasper. Your hair is a dead rabbit. Mine is beautiful. We aren't having this discussion right now.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: don't own it.

Entry 15:

Good news!

I had my first date with Bella today!  
It was great, we talked about how I was a monster and also a masochistic lion and she was a stupid lamb. We made a lot of cute analogies like that. I can already tell she's my one true love. Also it was really beautiful when I demonstrated for her my vampire-ish capabilities. I promise, there has almost never been a more beautiful thing in the history of the world, except possibly when Julius Ceasar met Cleopatra after she was rolled up in the carpet. So I ran around a little bit and told her I was fast. Then I broke off a whole tree branch and waved that around, to emphasize that I'm too dangerous. Just…too dangerous. I also removed my shirt so that she could see me go glitter glitter. The sound affects of my glittering created a real special touch, she was impressed. Then we laid in this field of flowers together and touched each other's faces. It was real real romantic. Except I almost lost control and ate her a couple times.  
After that lovely experience I went home with her and watched her eat dinner then I stayed and waited for her to fall asleep. There were some tense moments when Bella thought Charlie was going to find out I was there but he didn't. It made it real exciting. Aren't I a good influence on her? What would she do without me in her life? Sigh, she would be in so much danger. Anyway, we talked for like five minutes and then she fell asleep. Ah, the human frailties. Then I got on to her computer (It has the slowest internet connection I have ever seen.) and wrote this blog! Hahaha. She talks in her sleep, it's very entertaining.  
Oh. She's waking up!  
Talk to you later,  
Edward C.


	7. The story deepens

Disclaimer: Actually guys, despite what you may think…I still don't own it.

A/N: SORRY! I haven't written in awhile. Finals and vacation…sigh. Did you miss me?

Journal 16:

ALAS! Tis been so long. I've been so preoccupied with my lovely love and all the new found hope I've found in my soul that I haven't written in any timely fashion. I ask most sincerely for your forgiveness. I know you've all been kept in suspense with what's been going on. And truly. I'm sorry. But how could you expect me to write? Bella and I have been doing lots of things together. Like sometimes I ask her lots of questions and she answers them and it's a really fun game. You know, the way I interact with her is just charming. No wonder she fell in love with me. Anyway, today in a few hours we're going to play baseball and I am going to take Bella with us.

BOOM CRASH

Ah Thunder. I cannot wait. Vampire baseball is so beautiful. Like me. Minus the scintillating arms. And flowing bronze-y hair and liquid topaz eyes. Or dark penetrating eyes. It depends on the day, as Bella will be quick to tell you.

_Later  
AH! no time to write! You would not believe what has happened! Oh! I am such a monster. Such a dreadfull monstrous beast! How could I pull Bella into this? How could I have been so selfish? How could I have put her in this danger? *dry sob* Why? Why did this have to happen? Oh! It was all so beautiful. SO beautiful. My life was wonderful. I was stalking my brand of heroine and she was totally in love with me. And now it is all ruined._


	8. An explanation and some poetry

Disclaimer: Readers, I don't own Bella or Edward or any of the other lovely people here entailed but guess what? Edwards diary is MINE! Bwahaha!

A prologue to today's entry for I was in a poetic mood (I as in foxwithgrayeyes, not Edward)

*ahem*

_"Oh gee! Oh gee!"  
Young Bella squees,  
and these are not happy squees.  
For you see, three vampires w/ red eyes appeared.  
"Red! Not topaz, Red!  
I'm practically dead!"  
Bella shouts.  
For James has caught her scent  
and to him it's magnificent.  
and hunting's his game,  
Bella is now his prey.  
Let's hope he succeeds, and on Bella he feeds.  
Because it would feel me with such great glee!_

**And now dear readers…back to the diary. **

Entry 17:

I'm so alone…so alone… I have sent Bella away. Away where she'll be safe. No one will find her in Arizona. No one at all. Jasper and Alice will protect her, and Bella's too stupid to find a way to escape them. If there is one thing that reassures me in all this, it's Bella's stupidity. I bless that girl for it. How I love her. NO! I shouldn't love her! It's wrong. Look what I've done! I've endangered her!

NOOOO!

…I suppose I'd better explain myself. *deep breath for dramatic effect* Alright. So I was playing baseball with my family and we brought my love along. Then all of the sudden these vampires emerged from the woods and they were not beautiful like me. They were scary non vegetarian vampires. I stood in front of Bella and growled very menacing like. I was also all crouched down and it must have been a very attractive sight. Honestly. I bet it turned Bella on… Anyway, one of them, James was the fellow's name, decided that he wants to eat her! He wants to eat my love! And she isn't even his brand of heroine, she's MINE! If I can resist well, by jove so should he! Now I've had to send Bella away so that she doesn't get eaten. Ughhh and we were having so much fun playing too. I hate my life and my lack of a soul!

Entry 18:  
**Let me tell you what really happened people, this makes more sense than Edward's rambling. (Heeheehee)**

**"Hooray hooray!" the Cullens shout.  
"For today the sun's not out!  
A storm is brewing in the sky,  
so lets run (practically fly)  
to the field where we can play!  
For vampire baseball it's a wonderful day!"  
So off we run, one and all,  
Alice carries the bat and ball  
In her little hands which makes me cry,  
Cause I wanted to hold them, that's why.  
Esme says, "Now kids play nice,  
Don't kill each other or bury each other in rice!"  
Emmett smiles mischievously.  
Oh! He's naughty as can be!  
So they take their places on their teams,  
Edward's eye with vengeance gleams.  
He's going to win, how determined he is  
Cuz I beat him in sparkling and that made his blood fizz!  
Bella is watching like, "Wow, golly gee!  
Edward's so pretty! I'm glad he likes me!"  
So us vampires are playing and having fun  
when from the trees emerge new vampires, three, not just one.  
Uh-oh! Edward's growling. Sorry I think this game is done!**

**Yes. That is what happened. **

Entry 19:

GASP! Jasper is mocking my pain! And filling my blog with LIES! He didn't beat me at sparkling. I. Won. I WON JASPER HALE! Oh, if I had blood this would make my blood boil. I know how to get back at him.

_**J- ust  
A-bout  
S-tarting  
P-erpetual  
E-mergency  
R-ehab**_

Bahaha! Take that you bunny headed vampire! And now….*dry sob* back to trying to find James so I can protect my Bella. My darling love. Oh Bella! I'm coming!

Entry 20:

Gosh. You think he'd learn to change his password. Edward, you didn't win. But keep telling yourself whatever you want… Oh. And I find your paltry acrostic poem rather unamusing. This one however…

E- gotistical  
D-epressed  
W-eird  
A-nd  
R-eally  
D-orky ( or Dangerous as he often insists)

Entry 21:

FOR THE LOVE! JASPER! I have changed my password diary. Don't worry. We won't have to deal with Jasper anymore. I can't believe he was breaking into the computer and writing on my blog when he's supposed to be protecting Bella. What kind of adopted brother thing is he? And now really. I have more important things to do than this..


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: don't. own.

A/N: more sparkles. All you gotta do is ask.

Entry 22:

I was looking in the mirror today, thinking about what a terrible vampire I am. I am too beautiful. Why did I have to be so sparkly? Why do I have to attract every girl without even trying? Sigh. I never should have come back from Alaska. I sparkled there, just like how snow sparkles with the sun glinting off my incandescent-ness. Why did I have to come back? I never should have took Bella to the meadow and let her see me sparkle. I wish I could say I never should have saved her life but I can't. I don't regret saving her life. Alas! How could I have fallen in love? I have endangered Bella! My Bella! I feel so horrid.

Entry 23:

I am writing this on my way to save Bella, for she is in terrible danger. I am going to Arizona the land of sunshine. Oh…how will I disguise my sparkles and beauty in all that sun? You know what? It doesn't matter! Nothing matters except Bella! I was wrong about her, you know. She escaped Alice and Jasper's protection. Not that I'm too surprised actually. Jasper was too busy trying to figure out my new password so he could post more and Alice…I don't even know. She's difficult to comprehend. Bella's harder to comprehend though. Have I mentioned that hers are the only thoughts which I cannot penetrate? How it tortures me. Many a night I've longed to tap into her mind and hear her think about how beautiful I am. How she loves my scintillating arms and my hair like flowing copper and even the smell of my breath! And alas…I have to rely on her confessions of these things every once in a while instead of being able to just read her mind all the time. I live a trying existence. Poor me. Here I go, off to save my love. James, you beast, I am on to you and you shall not take my Bella from me! *menacing growl* I'm off. Wish me luck.


	10. Chapter 10

Entry 24:

This is gonna be a quick one…I just got to Arizona. Alice is in a frenzy. Jasper hardly is acting as guilty and remorseful as he should and he's trying to calm me down but it won't work. It won't it won't it won't. I WILL NOT BE CALMED! I am too angry. Where is my Bella? I am only going to keep typing until Alice helps me locate her. Mirrors…hardwood floor….ALICE HURRY UP! …ah. We've got it. Ballet studio. Well I'm off. Time to go fight. The only thing I can say is, at least there will be many mirrors so I will look marvelous as I beat James. My sparkles will be reflected. Fear not Bella my love. I'm coming for you!

A/N: sorry, just a short one today cause I didn't really have time but I wanted to update. As you can see we are nearing the end of twilight so here's the question…Should I continue this for New Moon as well or end it with the end of Twilight? Unless I get a lot of feedback I will probably end it within a couple more. Love you all!


	11. Chapter 11

Entry 25:

I just went through the absolute most excruciating experience of my life but I've made it through and I believe I'm a little more sparkly because of it. It was horrifying though. I am appalled, thinking about how scared I was. I never used to be scared. Vampires shouldn't have to be scared. We're too beautiful to be afraid. Too strong. Too cold. Too sparkly. And all because I went and fell in love with a human girl, suddenly I'm victim to human emotions and pains. This is so silly.

_Wow Eddy boy, way to wax poetic!_

I can't believe I live in a house with those two. How are they not dead? (Emmett and Jasper, dear Journal. You're a little slow sometimes.) Anyway, what happened was we found James and Bella at her old ballet studio. James and I fought. It was a little bit of an epic experience…. I was kinda hoping that the location considered we would have a dance fight (You know, like west side story but more actual fighting and more sparkles.) but nooo James just couldn't get into that. I tried to talk him into it, but I realized I was losing valuable time so we just had our fight. I won. And I looked marvelous doing it. Everywhere I looked I could see my reflection (sparkle x3) as I leaped oh so catlikely.

_Had I been fighting it would've been more BEARLIKE! Know why? Know why? Cause I like bears better than mountain lions. Oh, and in answer to what you were all wondering, YES, Jasper's favorite prey is bunnies. _

EMMETT! Butt out! I'm trying to deliver a deep narrative!

_Aren't you always?_

Grrr. Anyway, so I beat James but then I realized that Bella still needed more saving. Gosh, that girl requires a lot of energy. If I didn't love her so stinking much and if she wasn't my life right now and if I had anything better to do I'd probably have to go to Italy and let her fend for herself… But anyway. Carlisle came in and was all, "Edward! We need to get the venom out of her!"

_I don't get why we did that? Didn't she WANT to become a vampire? We should've just left her and then we wouldn't have to worry about her bugging us about it anymore. And also she wouldn't have problems with werewolves. Not that I'm trying to hint at anything in the future or anything…_

GUYS! LEAVE ME ALONEEEEEEEEEE!

A/N: People! The end of Twilight is quickly approaching. I only have two or three more entries planned. Then we're in New Moon territory. So should I write it or not? Talk to me pleaz?


	12. The glories of me

Entry 26:

If anyone deserves a medal, my friends, it is I. Quite honestly. My sparkles alone elevate me to a medal-worthy status but this time I've really outdone myself. Someone needs to validate me. Please? Anyone?

Alas. I suppose this isn't the time. But I ought to tell you what I did. I at least have earned bragging rights have I not? Well you all know how I feel about Bella's blood. Yes, yes I love her and all that, but to be realistic…well…I can't believe I didn't drink that lovely smelling, Edward's heroine-ish blood. I had the chance you know. I, Edward Anthony Mason Cullen did in fact suck the venom out of that girl. I didn't think I could do it. But I did. I think it is all to do with the reading I've been doing lately. You see, a couple nights ago I stumbled upon a book in Bella's room entitled "The Little Engine That Could" and I read it while she was sleeping. I really must tell you, it was one of the most inspiring things I have ever happened upon. This is excluding my image you see. I'm rather quite certain that nothing is so inspiring as myself. One look at my chest and its incandescent diamondesqueness and I find myself extremely motivated, though in what way I'm not quite sure. But I digress. Whilst I sucked the blood from Bella's little self I thought in my brain (which I have not seen but somehow I know, deep inside me, that it too is sparkly), "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!" And I COULD! And that just goes to show you that I am after all perfect in every way. I'm glad we cleared this up. I need to go visit Bella. Cute little thing. And ah, how refreshing this has been to not be interrupted by those "brothers" of mine. They hardly merit the use of the word. Now off to my love.

Entry 26:

_Eddy boy? You can read? _


	13. New Moon

A/N: I did it. I'm starting New Moon. Sorry it's been so long.

Entry 27:

I am very very excited for tonight, nigh unto ecstatic. Its Bella's birthday you see. She is turning eighteen. I am rather excited for her, but she has a huge problem with it. She also doesn't think it is very funny that I have reassured her many times that I think it will be very exciting to date an older woman. Her very words were, "Not funny Edward," but deep down inside I am confident of my hilarious nature.

I have the most lovely things planned for her birthday though. I just know she will be so pleased. She's pleased with everything I do, even things that other people would find creepy (such as spying on her through her window and watching her sleep. She understands that I'm just horribly romantic). You know, I really was a bit worried about what to do for her birthday for awhile. I had many ideas, but I wasn't sure what would make her happiest. For awhile I was settled on giving her some sparkly gel/crème stuff so her skin could shine like mine. That would make us the most beautiful couple. Ah yes, I had envisioned us skipping through my magical meadow together, both of us glinting in the sun. I think my new idea is even better though. Especially after I got some negative feedback concerning the first idea. Jasper and Emmett didn't think the glitter idea was good, you see. Emmett just laughed and told me I was "entirely effeminate" which I thought was rather low. Jasper, on the other hand, was opposed because, and I quote, "She's not one of us Edward. We can't all sparkle like vampires." Then he went off on a tirade about how I should not turn her into something she's not and that by giving her glitter I would just be encouraging her vampirical fantasies. However….writing it down like that….maybe the glitter crème isn't such a bad idea after all. The meadow thing really would be enjoyable. I think I'll run to the store (because I am a very fast runner) and see if there is any glitter crème on hand. I could give that to her, and still carry out my other plans, and no one would have to know. Not Emmett and Jasper especially.


	14. Chapter 14

Entry 28:

The party did not go at all as planned. And that's why I'm leaving. I'm running away. I can't stay and actually sort through this mess. I can't even say I'm sorry, even though I am. I am dreadfully, horribly and frighteningly sorry. I promised Bella I'd never endanger her again, and when I make a promise I intend to keep it. I guess that's one thing that makes me different than humans, isn't it? But I've done it. I endangered her most gravely! I should have foreseen this. Or Alice should have! Alice should have seen this coming and prevented it! Who invented wrapping paper in the first place? Presents should only be wrapped with...fur? Or cotton? Something that can't cut people. Whose bad idea was wrapping paper in the first place. I'm going to look it up. Aha! Joyce C. Hall! Joyce C. Hall of the HALLMARK COMPANY! I knew they should be in trouble for more than just frighteningly cheesy specials on tv. I should have brought her down when I had the chance, way back in 1917. Because of her my love was almost killed tonight, on her birthday! And by my own family as well! I should have confronted her before she ever let this wrapping paper business get out of hand. Told her to reexamine the dangerous potential her product posed. Oh it is sad to see the way my angst brings out alliterations of agony and arduous anguish. WHY JOYCE? What did I do to you? What did anyone do to you to bring your wrath upon me in this way? Did I spurn you once? Back in 1917? Wait...no! Joyce C. Hall was a _man_. No wonder he was so angry, as to try to harm the world with his seemingly congenial invention. He was simply bitter! Oh it is all coming together now. It's all just one big, black circle of sadness. I can't believe the corruption of this world... it sickens me. I sicken me. And Jasper's lack of self-control sickens me. And why did I have to fall in love with someone so clumsy? If Bella had just opened the present without cutting her finger we would have been ok. But it isn't her fault she's accident prone. It is one of the reasons we work so splendidly after all- she being the danger magnet, me being the danger. And alas, I love her too deeply, too passionately to blame her for any of this at all. Not when I know where the blame should truly lie. Mainly, first and foremost, with me. For I am a monster. But secondly with that dastardly Joyce C. Hall.

**A/N: I regret to inform you that Joyce C. Hall really was a man and he really did invent wrapping paper. Please ReViEw! REvieW!**


	15. Chapter 15

Entry 29:

I left. But first I removed myself from her life. Bella is just human after all, so maybe my work will do what it was intended to do. You see, I couldn't very well leave and just break her heart. What kind of romantic, studly, beautiful, sparkling vampire boyfriend would just walk out on their vulnerable human girlfriend without a by-your-leave? That's what I would like to know. That's why I made sure she had no trace of me to hold on to and THEN I left. And I'm assuming this will make her forget I was ever there at all. See? No sopping girl, no mess. I think sobbing may actually be more appropriate than sopping, but I believe Bella is entirely capable of sopping as well. Now I'm sure you would be fascinated to learn how effectively I removed myself from her life. So effectively. I tell you. It broke my sparkling...feelings...to do it, but I knew that it would be best for her. I went to her house in the night. I found her scrapbook and I took out the picture she had of me. I tore the radio out of the car.

**You did what? Eddy boy! I took time installing that!**

Emmett! Do you not realize my pain? My anguish? Leave me alone! YES! I removed the radio! I found everything I had ever given her and I hid it away. I don't want her to remember. I want her to live a full and complete and happy life without ever being bothered by a monster like me again. I promised myself I would never admit this, never tell, because then I could pretend it wasn't true, but before I left, before I walked out of her life I watched her sleep, one more time. I kissed her forehead, one more time. I waited till she said my name, one more time. And then I left. Out the window. Never again to risk her. Because I know that once I'm gone she isn't going to be in danger anymore. Sure, one of the reasons I followed around before we were even together was because she was so accident prone, but I know that now that I've left, leaving her defenseless, she isn't going to put herself in a bad situation. She would never hurt herself intentionally. Especially because deep down she knows I love her so much that it would rip me to shreds for her to do it. Oh Bella, Isabella Marie Swan, my darling. How I long to not leave you, but how I know it is right. Please...move on with your life. I hope she knows that that's what I want for her. I hope she just gets up in the morning and finds a way to move on. Meanwhile, I'm off to Italy. Oh! (please understand that the 'oh' you just read is completely rife with anguish and agony). Goodbye Bella. I will miss you forever.


	16. Chapter 16

Entry 30:

***With special translations from Emmett. I'm warning you now, Edward in this extreme of an angst mode...well, it ain't pretty folks. **

It took significant amounts of chronological units, deliberating whither and whence I should depart to here from.

**That means he took a long time deciding where to run away to, for those of you who don't speak angst. **

My Bella was withheld from me, by my own doing, and knowing she would be safe, I allowed my mind to turn itself to the destination I should embark towards.

**He tried to figure out where he should go. With a lot of dry sobbing and Linkin Park, I should add. **

I have narrowed my options down to the following:

1. Alaska

2. Italy

3. New York City

4. Sweden

**Oh Boy! He's making sense! I'm proud of you Eddy.**

My decision making process in the determination of the above locations kept in mind numerous variables.

**I take it back. **

**You know what. I deleted most all of what Edward wrote after this (Yes, dear people, I am editing this after the fact. You don't honestly think Edward would let me tamper with him precious diary this way do you?) It honestly didn't make very much sense. I'll just summarize. You'll get the gist.**

**1. Alaska- let's face it. He's good at running away to Alaska. It is difficult to number the times he's done that. (His actual phraseology for this was "**The most Arctic region of the United States have indeed proved a haven for my destitution before this particular incident"**.) Then he rambled about how he didn't want to face Vampires he already knew, who would invariably say "I told you so". (**"But alas, the inhabitants with which I would undoubtedly find myself encountering in said region know of my monstrous deeds involving my involvement with a member of the human species, and they might hold for me some contempt and perhaps even petty mockery of the throbbing ache which resides in the area where once was housed a human heart.") **Does anyone understand this? Anyone? **

**2. Italy- the Volturi. You really don't want to read this part. It actually made me depressed. Edward talked about wanting to get destroyed. It was downright gritty and awful. I don't want anyone else to have to read that. I don't even have a way to make fun of it. **

**3. New York City- he thought he would blend. (**"It is after all, a compelling option, to enjoin myself with the throngs of the glitzy individuals who shelter themselves within a jungle of concrete and lights. My opalescent skin, my translucent qualities, my sheer sparkling factor, would not be given questioning glances in such a place, if what I have witnessed of the location is in fact veritable.") **It's almost painful, watching him type this stuff. He uses the thesaurus, and strikes dramatic, and painful looking poses after words he believes to truly fit the mood. **

**4. Sweden-**The option is a most un-bletcherous one. The items which make it most appealing to a being such as the being I refer to as "I", include that the area would be conducive to the quelling of my basorexia. There I could become an agelast and I may even endeavor to undergo the process of abacination, if needed. I also feel that in such an area I will not be confronted with the quandry in which I locate myself when cornered by a batrachophagous who wishes for me to join them. **  
**

**I can't summarize this. It made no sense to me so I just cut most of it out and left the rest for you to wonder over. **

My final decision is yet to be known. 

**A/N: Was I hyper when I wrote this? Undoubtedly. Did I enjoy it? Yes. Did you? TELL ME! REVIEW! :) Btw-those are not made up words.  
**


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